College experience...exciting, but also perhaps too much freedom for good decisions...

In the previous post, I mentioned that my yearbook from my senior year of high school was gone. That was my own fault, and here's what happened. Lee had written a very nice piece at the back of my book, suggesting that we would eventually be married (and live in a rose-covered cottage, or something to that effect). It was a very sweet message, and I loved it. (But, as you will see, we did not get married, and after I fully realized the mistake I had made in breaking up with him, I could not read those words again without reliving the pain of that decision. So, in a foolish gesture of anger, I threw the yearbook into a dumpster, never to be seen again.) But, I get ahead of myself...

I was awarded a full-ride tuition scholarship for all four years of college. It did not pay for my room-and-board, nor my books and supplies, but it paid my entire tuition, which was a pretty nice award. My parents paid my first semester's expenses that were not covered by the scholarship, and I moved to the dorm at Iowa State Teachers College. I lived in Bartlett Hall, which at that time was the dorm for freshmen girls. Each 'corridor' of girls had a couple of older girls as counselors. The two who were counselors in my corridor were Carol Lester and Shirley Petersen (she was homecoming queen that fall.) Their job was to provide guidance and answers to questions we might have about campus and about college living. We also had a lady who was hired to make sure everyone was in their room and heading for bed at 10:30 p.m., unless we had signed out for a late night (each freshman girl got 2 late nights a semester.) We still were supposed to be back in our rooms at midnight. Our dorm 'watch-woman' was Mrs. Bell. Some of the girls in my corridor had a poem we had concocted about her... "Ding dong, Mrs. Bell. When you see her, run like hell!" 

It was fun living in the dorm, but it was also difficult because we all had to try to get along. I remember being involved in some pranks that were not very nice. I was not the instigator...but I did go along with them, which tells you that I was not using my best judgment, either. One time we wrapped one of the toilet seats in the common restroom/shower room with plastic wrap. We then locked all the doors on the other stalls (crawling out under the doors after they were locked), and one girl unscrewed the light bulbs so it was pretty dark in the room. Then, we hid in a shower, and waited for the horrified screams when someone tried to use the toilet and got rather 'sprayed on.' It was fun and exciting, but it was not nice. 

Another prank we pulled was to rig up a booby trap above the door of one of the girls. It consisted of a bucket filled partway with water, and held in place above the door until the unsuspecting 'victim' opened her room door, and then the bucket would tip and empty its contents on that girl. I don't remember who we played that trick on, but again, I am not proud of being involved in its planning. Of course, sometimes I got a trick played on me, too, so there was plenty of rebuttal going on. Some of the pranks I recall were getting 'short-sheeted' or crawling into bed to find it full of cracker crumbs...

For the homecoming festivities at ISTC (Iowa State Teachers College), there was a contest for decorating the porch of your dormitory. Well, somehow I was chosen to plan the decoration for Bartlett Hall, and we won some kind of prize for it. Wow! I was pretty proud!

The first semester, I studied very hard, and got good grades because of it. I sort of surprised myself, and got an A in Humanities and an A in English. I got Bs in my other subjects and a C in one class. I don't remember which one that was, but it might have been math...as I have stated earlier in my posts, I was never fond of math, and my success (or lack of it) became a self-fulfilling prophecy. But, I got on the honor roll, and was put into advanced classes in Humanities and English for the second semester. 

Lee and I wrote letters back and forth to each other, and he invited me to come down to Ames for homecoming. I don't remember just how I got down there, but I did attend the homecoming weekend festivities. Part of the activities included the homecoming game, and Lee and I attended that. I don't remember if he was in the band or not. I think we also attended a dance that night. I know that I was invited to dinner at his fraternity, and that some of his fraternity brothers mistakenly thought that I was the homecoming queen at Cedar Falls. That was pretty flattering! I remember the guys singing some fraternity songs at the dinner table, and that they had a nice 'house mother.' Before that weekend, I had asked Lee if he would let me wear his fraternity pin. He told me no, because the 'rule' at his fraternity was that if you were not a full-fledged fraternity member, but just a 'pledge,' and you gave your pin to a girl, you were supposed to pin it on her bra in front of the other fraternity guys. He would not do that, and didn't want to embarrass me, but he didn't suggest an alternative either. So, I was disappointed, because we really had no actual 'promise' between us. 

In thinking back, I have decided that my level of maturity was sorely lacking still, even at the age of nearly 19. I was hurt that Lee was not ready to make a public statement about our relationship by giving me his pin, or some other token of promise. And, that sort of gave me 'permission' to not keep myself totally true to him. There is probably no other decision I made at that time of my life that was such a poor one. 

I was still 'going steady' with Lee the rest of that semester, and was invited to his parents' house for Thanksgiving dinner. I don't remember exactly how I got to Toledo for that dinner, but Lee might have come and picked me up. In any case, I spent that day at his home in rural Toledo. I must have been a bit sleep-deprived because I ended up taking a nap that afternoon...I can remember Lee coming in to see if I was awake. If I remember correctly, it was a nice day, and I got along well with his mother and father. And, after the holiday, I headed back to Cedar Falls, and Lee went back to Ames.

At Christmas time, I wanted to see Lee again, so I asked my roommate, Janet Heller, if I could stay overnight at their house (sort of a big request, because they had eight kids, and her mom had plenty to do without an extra person.) But, I did stay there. Back in those days, there were buses going from many small towns all over the state, and my main mode of transportation when I wanted to go somewhere was to take the bus. I think I got a ride to her house when we went home for Christmas break. And, I was able to sleep on a twin bed in the big room she shared with her sister in the upstairs of that huge, brick house next to the Pioneer plant where her father was the manager. 

Lee and I spent at least one evening together during that visit to Toledo. I think he gave me a gift, but I don't remember what it was. (Horrible how the mind loses the particulars of those memories over time...) I do remember us saying goodbye at the bus station as I was heading to Cedar Rapids to spend the rest of the holiday with my family. It was very sad, and maybe I somehow understood that we would never again be as close... 

So, during my second semester in college, I was unsettled for some reason. I suppose I felt like I was no longer the top issue in Lee's life, and that upset me. He was the mature one in our relationship, and was determined to get his education before he got sidetracked by a relationship. I really don't know what he was thinking, and I didn't think to ask him. Looking back, I should have asked him just how I fit into his future plans, but I didn't do that. 

In any case, I began being more willing to look at other fellows, and even to accept dates, if asked. At that time, I was pledging a sorority, Delta Phi Delta. The sorority did not have a 'house,' so its members lived either at home if they were from Cedar Falls, or lived in the dorms, if they were from out of town. Pledging was fun, and the two dorm counselors in my corridor were both Deltas. A few times, we were roused from bed in the early morning, and one time I recall, the sorority members had the pledges 'duck-walk' (bend down and hold onto your ankles and try to walk...that's a 'duck-walk') from the dorm down to Price Laboratory School, which was a few blocks...chilly morning, walking foolishly like a bunch of ducks! Well, some of us didn't like doing that, and we had a special 'link' to the outside world beyond our dorm. My room was next to the office of one of the dorm directors, and her office had a phone. We could sneak in there after 'lights-out' and use the phone, rather than taking a chance on busting our plan to skip the next early morning pledge activity by being overheard on the corridor public phone. If we found out there was a plan to get us up early, we hid in a broom closet on our floor, and the active sorority members were not able to find us. Well, it worked but it also got us into some trouble as far as our chances to be active members. We got right down to the wire with so many points against us for our shenanigans that we almost were not voted into the sorority. But, they gave in at the last, and with a few extra challenges to perform, we made it in. 

I had wanted Lee to come up and see me one weekend during the early part of that semester. I was very lonely, for some reason, and rather at loose ends. It was still winter, and there was a light snow falling, so his mother didn't want him to drive at night. Again, he was the mature one, and chose not to come, but I was angry. I guess that night just about sewed up the ending of our time together. (Stupid, self-absorbed, childish...that was me...)

Anyway, I eventually got a phone call at my dorm one afternoon. It seems that I had a guy in one of my classes who thought I looked cute, and had suggested to one of his fraternity brothers that I might go out on a date. So, Vern Hansen called me, and asked me out. It was a totally blind date, since I had no idea who he was. We met at a restaurant on College Hill for a coke or something, and we talked and got acquainted. He was a nice guy, and we had in common the fact that his fraternity was the 'brother' to my sorority. So, we began to go out now and then. In the backyard of a home near the campus, there is a large rock buried partway in the ground. That rock was called 'Chi' rock. Vern's fraternity was Alpha Chi Epsilon, and that was 'their kissing rock!' After a few dates, Vern took me to Chi rock, and kissed me. I guess I thought that was significant, and from then on we were a couple. 

Vern was from Cedar Falls, and lived off campus at his folks' home. We began to date regularly, and had a good time together. I blame a lot of our attraction on just plain 'hormones' and a bit of not such good judgment. At that time, there were some girls I knew who were taking a weekend and rather than going home, were spending it with their boyfriends. It was rather scandalous in my mind, but I was pretty naive, I guess. Anyway, I was spending enough time not studying that my grades began to suffer. I didn't fail anything that second semester, but I did get a 'D' in my Children's Literature class...I faulted the older woman who was the instructor as being terribly boring, but in reality, it was held three days a week at 9 a.m., and I was burning the candle at both ends, and often wanted to sleep in rather than attend her class. 

My relationship with Vern had gotten pretty physical, and I felt that I had to break up with Lee, because I felt that I had already 'decided' who I was going to be with. Plus, Vern was not happy that I was not exclusively 'his.' So, I made arrangements with Lee one weekend that spring to come to Cedar Rapids when I was at my folks' house so I could return his class picture to him, and break off our relationship. I had been taking modern dance, and had choreographed a dance to the song, "Greenfields" by the Brothers Four. While Lee was visiting with me that evening (after my folks had gone to bed), I put on my leotard and tights and did the dance for him. It was a sad song, and I am pretty sure he understood that I was going to break up with him. I was very conflicted, and even talked to my mother earlier about it... I asked her if you could love two guys at the same time, and she was wise enough to not give me a direct answer. So, I had to make the decision myself, and I did. Unfortunately, for both myself and for Vern, it was probably not the right decision. 

After I gave Lee his photograph, and said goodbye to him, he went back to Toledo, and we didn't see each other again (for years...)

But, I think I still did write to him now and then and he wrote back, until after a few years of marriage, Vern asked me to stop...and I did. 

By the way, I performed that dance for an audience during some big program that was put on for some occasion having to do with the sororities and fraternities. I don't recall exactly what the occasion was, but I did a solo performance of my dance, and got a lot of applause for it. 

Since I had received an A in English my first semester, the professor for my second semester English class allowed me to skip his class as often as I wanted, as long as I turned in my assignments on time. Since his class was the other 9 o'clock class I had (Tuesdays and Thursdays), it was fine with me that I didn't have to appear every day. I did write a few pieces for his class, and got A's on all of them. One of them was even supposed to appear in the annual booklet of student work that was printed each spring, and I am hoping to go up to the university library some day and see if that 1960 spring booklet is on microfiche so I can get a copy of my piece. I never did see it in print...

I've always been a 'bloom-where-you-are-planted' sort of person, so I was not too upset with myself at that time. I was deep into a relationship unlike any I had ever had before, and it was a busy and fun time of my life. It is easy to shove unhappy ideas to the back of your mind when you have other good times happening. 

That spring, Vern and I were pinned (he was a sophomore...a year ahead of me...and was an 'active' in his fraternity.) It was a ceremony held outside one nice spring evening, and it was exciting and fun.

More about this time of my life on the next post..